There is no crying in roller derby.

****6/6/12****  *** I found this draft that never got published. It encompasses something that I think all girls go through as they skate. It was humbling to read this. My low point in derby. May I never revisit.***

There is no crying in roller derby-

Except...sometimes there is.

A couple of weeks ago a former teammate asked when I was going to blog again. I promised her I would and so I shall. I hadn't updated mostly because I've just been lackadaisical about updating.

The thing is though- that I've also had less than ideal (straight up crappy) practices. That day, after being prompted about writing again, I hit my lowest point EVER at practice. I think I've just hit a major brick wall with my skills. We did many alley cat drills of one variation or another that day and I failed at all of them. This isn't the normal oh-Flik-is-being-hard-on-herself-fail. This is the I-couldn't-stay-on-my-feet-to-save-my-life fail. I fell when I was blocking and I fell when I was jamming. I sucked. I straight up sucked and my spirits were broken. I don't cry. Not at movies. Not at weddings. Not when things aren't great. Never.

I cried.

I skated into the hallway into a far of corner and just sobbed. I don't expect miracles. I don't expect to be a great derby player. I just ask that my body do what my mind asks it to do.

And so I skipped practice the week after that. And the week after that. And now I'm just in a bad place all together. I need to go back. I know I do. Here's hoping my feet carry me where my mind tells them to go. For once.

Thanks for reading F.T.