There is no crying in roller derby.

****6/6/12****  *** I found this draft that never got published. It encompasses something that I think all girls go through as they skate. It was humbling to read this. My low point in derby. May I never revisit.***

There is no crying in roller derby-

Except...sometimes there is.

A couple of weeks ago a former teammate asked when I was going to blog again. I promised her I would and so I shall. I hadn't updated mostly because I've just been lackadaisical about updating.

The thing is though- that I've also had less than ideal (straight up crappy) practices. That day, after being prompted about writing again, I hit my lowest point EVER at practice. I think I've just hit a major brick wall with my skills. We did many alley cat drills of one variation or another that day and I failed at all of them. This isn't the normal oh-Flik-is-being-hard-on-herself-fail. This is the I-couldn't-stay-on-my-feet-to-save-my-life fail. I fell when I was blocking and I fell when I was jamming. I sucked. I straight up sucked and my spirits were broken. I don't cry. Not at movies. Not at weddings. Not when things aren't great. Never.

I cried.

I skated into the hallway into a far of corner and just sobbed. I don't expect miracles. I don't expect to be a great derby player. I just ask that my body do what my mind asks it to do.

And so I skipped practice the week after that. And the week after that. And now I'm just in a bad place all together. I need to go back. I know I do. Here's hoping my feet carry me where my mind tells them to go. For once.

Thanks for reading F.T.

I DID IT!!!!

The skill that has been the thorn in my side has been defeated. There will be no stopping me now. In order to bout one needs to pass all WFTDA (Women's Flat Track Derby Association) minimum skills. I finally passed my 25 laps in 5 minutes skill. Amazeballs. I have had the

other skills passed for ages now and have just been waiting for this high. Eighth time is a

charm...for sure! I know know what success feels like. Top that with the fact that I am FINALLY

playing with a REAL team (which means actual booting opportunities) and I think I am ok calling myself a Roller Girl. First bouts on the docket are 2/23 (Iowa) and 3/25 (Rochester).

In other newsy dolls are coming a long. We did an unofficial 25/5 last night and 80% of them easily passed. The ones that were a bit slow still had improved on their time. It's obvious that they are practicing on their own (open skate or what not) and that is so exciting.

A New Chapter

Thank-you to those who have nudged me to start blogging again. I am quite flattered that people care enough to give me the elbow. Thank you especially to Fannie Tanner and Jenuine.

My blogging drought has stemmed from lots of changes in my derby life. I'm still at it for sure. But I'm in a different place, a different role, and a different....world completely.

As recently as October I took on a night job. It absolutely conflicted with roller derby. I was working overnights. I'd go in 10:3opm (sometimes 3:3opm!!) and be awake all night until the shift was over at 8:30am. I'd drive straight home and with any luck I'd be asleep by 9:30am. Because I was commuting south for practice I'd have to be awake and on the road by 1pm. This schedule sucks, especially when you then ask your body to participate in a very rigorous 3 hour practice. I did this for about a month until I started really noticing my body just not responding like I knew it could. It wasn't doing what my mind asked it too. It was all so very....depressing. I'm not the type that cries. Like...ever. But one day at practice I just totally broke down, I skated off the track and into the hallway. I found a corner and just sobbed. Derby saved me in so many ways that I can even start to articulate it. It has made me stronger, more content, more confident, and just generally more happy. I DID NOT want to give up roller derby...I knew I would be lost- I would lose friendships, I would lose my ONLY form of exercise, I would lose..motivation. Truth.

So I went home that night a looked to see what other leagues were close to me up north. I would drive several hours if I had to in order to make it work. I already had a friend who lived 15 minutes away that was driving just over 2 hours to practice...maybe I could join her. Seriously. Derby is that GREAT. Lo and behold, I found a small team only 1.5 hours from me ( I had been driving 1 hr. 10 minutes). Their practice schedule worked. I wasn't terribly excited to lose out on the AWESOME-NEVER-GOING-TO-BE-SURPASSED training I was getting from MNRG (THANK YOU TIKI AND HANNA!! I OWE SO MUCH TO YOU!!!)...but at least I'd be playing. I started weighing my options and making the good old pros/cons list. That night I sat down to check Facebook and saw a post from one of my friends. It was a "informational" meeting for girls in my are who wanted to play roller derby. Right? Here I am in they turmoil about what to do when a league starts not 30 minutes from me. It's like the curtains opened. Whoopee!!

And so my new journey started. I am now a member of the S.C.A.R. Dolls. (Saint Cloud Area Roller Dolls). It's a different world all together. I find myself being the teacher (that's some scary shit right there) more than the teach-ee. But at the same time I'm excited...I'm already seeing girls passing me in skills...humbling stuff that is! I think before we know it we will have a good core of scrimmage ready girls and the derby stuff can commence. :D I haven't blogged about this because I've been in a weird place about losing seriously awesome training but gaining the real McCoy. It's not good. It's not bad. It just is...and I'm still wrapping my head around it.

Catching up.

I promised myself I'd always be on top of this and post after each practice. Today will involve two weeks worth of posts...but don't worry...it won't be too long. Honestly, there isn't really all that much to say.

WEEK ONE- So this week we practiced in the Xcel. We did stages like we always do in that area. The coaches allowed us to pick our groups 1-4 depending on our level of comfort. I put myself in 2. Even though I was scrimmage ready last session, I have also been off skates for too long and knew I was rusty. I was comfortable with the group I was in for all of the sessions although, admittedly, there were times where I think I should have moved myself up just to be sure I was challenged. I found out later that that top group did some one foot weaving and surly a few other things that would have been helpful in prepping for WFTDA skills testing. I left feeling OH SO HAPPY to be back skating. Man how I have missed it!!

WEEK TWO- My insurance for September didn't happen. So I was off skate. This sucked since the ENTIRE team was getting skill tested and I missed it. I know I can get tested next week...but it won't be nearly the same. There is something about suffering with teammates that makes it all bearable. I hope I'll be able to make it. 25 in 5...I WILL defeat you!

Crapping Bricks.

Well, we had our first official deb meeting. There are 32 returning girls and over 40 new girls. I left the meeting with mixed feelings. I Think mostly because I am so unsure of myself and my abilities. The good news is that we are going to 3 hour sessions. The first will be basically working on skills- agility, footwork, falls, starts, stops, endurance. 2nd is team work stuff. The 3rd hour is scrimmaging...with MNRG skaters. Great. Right? Except---we are no longer scrimmage ready and will have to test into it by passing WFTDA skills. I am freaking out about the 25 in 5. (Skate 25 laps around the derby track in 5 minutes or less). I have tried and failed at this three times in my derby life. Once was when I tried out for NSRG after only skating for 4 months. I got 23 laps in 5 minutes and fell once. The second was at an outside NSRG clinic. I got to 23 again- no falls- but it was outdoors and hot. The third time was last session for debs. We tested "just for our information". Again I fell, and again I fell short of the mark. I think by like 20 seconds. I feel gross and disgustingly out of shape when I have to do that test. And now that it has direct bareing on weather or not I get to keep scrimmaging just tears me up. My teammates are so supportive telling me I can do it...but...I really don't know. Especially after not skating this summer. I guess I'll just keep trying it every week until I get it. Right? Right.

Session 3

Hi everyone! It's been a long lonely summer without roller derby. In other news, it's been mad fun watching/hearing about some of my teammates go through bootcamp and eventually getting drafted onto the Minnesota Roller Girls. This Saturday officially will begin the fall session for 2011. This will be my third session. I have a lot of thoughts about this. 1.) I haven't been skating near as much as I should have been in the off season- mostly due to the fact that my skates were at Reidell getting fixed, must also because I've been lazy. 2.) This makes me very scared to start skating again, I'll obviously be out of shape and I hope I don't have to start over at ground ZERO again. 3.) I have been skating a few times and most recently (although I was mad sore for 2 days after) I felt like my skills were at or better than they were last year. 4.) WE GET TO GO TO A COUPLE MIXERS! This means we were invited to two smaller leagues to do some scrimmaging for the PUBLIC! Exciting and scary all at the same time. My mom and dad say they will come to Eau Claire to watch. I'm really excited to see what they think. As of right now I think they have some serious misconceptions about what roller derby really is. All for now..until Sunday. Whoop!

It's been a bit.

But that doesn't mean anything. Last time I posted I was riding high on my 30 second lead jammer status. Allow me to post a picture. Although it doesn't prove I was lead jammer...I think it was taken just off the line. This is an especially good one since you can't see how inappropriately tight my black scrimmage shirt is. (If you didn't read my last blog you don't know that I showed up to practice wearing pink when we were asked to wear our scrimmage colors. (Hey..I was out of the house since 9am!) Luckily I had a black undershirt..you know the one that is supposed to have a "slimming" effect...yeah..I needed help getting it on OVER my clothes..lol..). Anyway. Yeah. That was a serious highlight.

So now you are wondering...cool..so in May you had a seriously kickass practice and it's now July and we haven't heard a peep out of you. What gives? Well, my friends...I think I only had one or two practices after that lead jammer day and the apparently weren't super exciting since I didn't even remember to come back and blog about it. I know one those of us who weren't trying out ended up working with the new girls on basic skills..and you know what? That was actually really pretty fun. IT's fun to see how far I've come. We also had a GREAT banquet. I should post a picture of that too, right? Right? See here my WONDERFUL scrimmage team (plus some coaches). Now looking back at my pictures I'm getting a bit sad. I'm noticing that 7 of those girls made boot camp and a good percentage of them will make the team. 2 of those girls have moved. And..um..3 of those are coaches. That leaves...let's see...OH....5 of us left. LOL. It will be exciting to see how the team grows next year. Tiki said that if she has her way we will be traveling...yeah..exciting right? All for now...will be pretty quiet on the derby front since we are on the off season. Start again in August. My skates are currently getting fixed (I had some stitching come off) and I'll hopefully have them back soon so I can be good and ready for fall session. Whoooop. Debs.